i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
