someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Randomize
