Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
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