Texts From Last Night

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  (248): View more from Michigan

  Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!

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  (248): Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy! http://tfl.nu/x7i6
  Replies (4) Good night (1991) Bad night (1118)
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  (773): View more from Illinois

  You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina

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  (773): You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina http://tfl.nu/1zwu
  Replies (2) Good night (570) Bad night (962)
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  (360): View more from Washington

  Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.

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  (360): Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news. http://tfl.nu/qxqs
  Replies (10) Good night (568) Bad night (1700)
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  (416): View more from Ontario

  Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.

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  (416): Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard. http://tfl.nu/iuc0
  Replies (20) Good night (4729) Bad night (669)
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  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.

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  (918): im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song. http://tfl.nu/sv6u
  Replies (28) Good night (1130) Bad night (5661)
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  (630): View more from Illinois

  wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?

  (816): View more from Missouri

  yes. helicopter.

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  (630): wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back? (816): yes. helicopter. http://tfl.nu/re1i
  Replies (19) Good night (5559) Bad night (928)
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  (214): View more from Texas

  a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"

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  (214): a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate" http://tfl.nu/0wuw
  Replies (9) Good night (1070) Bad night (5375)
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  (843): View more from South Carolina

  I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.

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  (843): I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car. http://tfl.nu/mri5
  Replies (11) Good night (1157) Bad night (3547)
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  (214): View more from Texas

  That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.

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  (214): That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed. http://tfl.nu/6ncx
  Replies (5) Good night (4449) Bad night (833)
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  (907): View more from Alaska

  I've ID'd the nipple biter.

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  (907): I've ID'd the nipple biter. http://tfl.nu/u45n
  Replies (6) Good night (2192) Bad night (1319)
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  (732): View more from New Jersey

  I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout

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  (732): I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout http://tfl.nu/4dgw
  Replies (9) Good night (1763) Bad night (731)
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  (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"

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  (306): I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth" http://tfl.nu/c8fv
  Replies (6) Good night (1812) Bad night (714)
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  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday

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  (215): trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday http://tfl.nu/9goc
  Replies (5) Good night (1137) Bad night (541)
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  (780): View more from Alberta, CA

  Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.

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  (780): Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters. http://tfl.nu/28t2
  Replies (3) Good night (821) Bad night (317)
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  (330): View more from Ohio

  exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.

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  (330): exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun. http://tfl.nu/7m4g
  Replies (5) Good night (517) Bad night (195)

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