she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I checked into jail on foursquare
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
