He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
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