My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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