??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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