i would punch a child for taco bell
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
True strength comes from lack of pants
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
