Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
21 Of The Most Impressive Things Ever Seen In Porn
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
19 Parents Had Epic Reactions When Catching Their Kids Being “Bad”
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.