You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
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