When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
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I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
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Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?