Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
25 People Confess Their Favorite Way To Annoy Their Significant Other
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
These 21 Women Share What Sexual Harassment In The Military Is Really Like
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends