The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall