Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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