Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Randomize
