Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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