Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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