big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
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