is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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