there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
