I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
