tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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