thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Randomize
