Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
