dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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