it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
