yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
You smell like a Billy Joel song
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
