i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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