Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
