big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
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