i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Randomize
