Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
