I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Randomize
