I just pynch a tree in the face
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
