I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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