Just took my morning after pill in the library
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
