I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize
