dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Randomize
