I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
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