I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
