She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
