i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
