Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Randomize
