Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
