Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
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No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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