My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
