Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
