I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Everclear isn't food dammit
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Randomize
