Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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