I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
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