Whoa Z and x make the same sound
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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