Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Randomize
