Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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