He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
