trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
