I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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