How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
