Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
