I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
