how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
