Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
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I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
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Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize