she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I'm just crazy horny about you
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Randomize
