she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize