I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize