The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
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