he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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