Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
