Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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