i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least life still wants to fuck me.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize