"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
