FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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