Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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