just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
