youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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