he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Randomize
