That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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