TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
he shaved USA in his pubs
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
