Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
