I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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