just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
