I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
